Sri Sadguru Mahime

Author: Charana Dasa

Translator: Shri.Ganesh Prasad

Chapter 99 : My tantrums

Arguments with Gurunatha and temper tantrums with him were an integral part of my life during my stay with him. But, these never affected my affection towards him. On his behalf it was amazing how he would put up with all my antics and come down to my wavelength and convince me on certain things.

Once a father and his son had come to seek Guruantha’s blessings for his exams, during the course of conversation Gurunatha had told the boy would secure so much percentage blessed him and sent him back. A few days later the same duo returned again to inform Gurunatha that the boy had scored results as Gurunatha had predicted. As I was witness to all these events, I started arguing with Gurunatha.

“Why you have withheld my results? Why you are not getting job done?”

“Ayya, why do you harass me like this? Your Guru shall not leave you behind” with these words he tried convincing me.

Patience not being one of my virtues, one day when Gurunatha was sitting in the backyard I stood there in the doorway so that he could see me. He asked me to go near him, But, I refused to move, trying to show him I was upset. Later when it was bedtime I walked out of the house and slept in a devotee’s car that was parked nearby. A little later, I could see Gurunatha standing at the front door and looking for me. Before any of these antics I would have made sure my service to Gurunatha were taken care of. The next morning I was busy with my daily chores as if nothing had happened.

Gurunatha had given me some money and had asked me to keep the change. As a devotee had come down and was staying at Gurunatha’s residence for a few days who could handle the daily chores in service of Gurunatha I planned another antic. Without informing Gurunatha I left for Banavara and stayed there for three days near the famous seer’s tomb. Through the other devotees I came to know that Gurunatha was looking for me, this gave me a sense of (false) accomplishment! After three days I returned to Gurunatha’s house, as I walked in Gurunatha called someone pointing at me he said “Please offer some food to his Greatness”. Without making an eye contact with Gurunathal ate what was offered and came to the backyard. A little later Gurunatha called me and held my hand and pretending to be angry he asked..

”Where were you? I searched for you all over the place.. can you trouble me like this?

I bowed to his feet.

Recently, I met a devotee who was present with Gurunatha during this episode which made me aware of the other facet of the incident. Gurunatha had told this to the devotee about my absconding.

“See, I have put in so much effort to get that creature here, I am afraid he might again get entangled in “Karma Bhandana” (being locked up in material activities, when we do not know what our real duty is, we tend to perform a series of actions, some result in pain, some in pleasure and the cycle continues.)

I used to continue my line whenever I got a chance to do so. In another instance when coming from my native, I had made up my mind that ..”From now on, I should not be in his grasp”. As soon as I landed at Gurunatha’s house he assigned me a couple of responsibilities and winking his eyes he said

“So, you want to go off isn’t it? Let me see how you will leave this place”. Sometimes after a day of tantrums and arguments with Gurunatha, when l was alone at night I used to question myself “I do all these, but can I survive without him?”

Of course, the answer was a no-brainer. “Let me never get a feeling that he is not beside me”

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